


The 2016 Stanley Cup Final, or: Hockey Prince Jack Zimmermann and His Boyfriend Just Broke the Internet

by iamclem



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Biphobia, Coming Out, Homophobia, M/M, Mixed Media, Social Media, spoilers for 3.26
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-02-22 23:41:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13177689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamclem/pseuds/iamclem
Summary: "James @piesnthangsUMMMMM @OMGCHECKPLEASE SO I GUESS WE KNOW WHO YOUR SECRET BF IS NOW HUHAngel Washington @angelicaaaa98Sooooo. I hope this means that fuckyeahzimmermann will stop receiving daily asks about him and Mashkov secretly dating. #CongratsZimmboni"Jack and Bitty kiss on live television. Social media reacts accordingly.





	The 2016 Stanley Cup Final, or: Hockey Prince Jack Zimmermann and His Boyfriend Just Broke the Internet

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [house on fire](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8498344) by [ilgaksu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilgaksu/pseuds/ilgaksu). 
  * Inspired by [deets](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4276527) by [applecrumbledore](https://archiveofourown.org/users/applecrumbledore/pseuds/applecrumbledore). 



> Warning: the f-slur is used in a tweet by @dandandanndannn near the midpoint of this fic. There are also general homophobic/biphobic attitudes throughout.

**USA Today – Providence Falconers win Stanley Cup against Seattle Schooners**

 

 

**SB Nation – Stanley Cup Final 2016: Zimmermann shoots and scores a season win for the Falconers**

Worldwide Trends

#GoFalcs

#StanleyCup2016

#Zimmboni

* * *

**falcsquad:**  

_[Photo of Jack Zimmermann lifting the Stanley Cup above his head, with fellow alternate captains Randall Robinson III and Sebastien St. Martin at his side.]_

THE PROVIDENCE FALCONERS ARE THE 2016 STANLEY CUP CHAMPIONS!!

**3,573 notes**

 

 

**zimmerbooooooty:**

YOU GUYS. JACK ZIMMERMANN IS A _STANLEY CUP CHAMPION_. DONT LOOK AT ME

#REMEMBER WHEN EVERYONE AND THEIR MOTHER SAID HE WAS DESTINED TO FAIL #THAT HE’D NEVER LIVE UP TO HIS FATHER #THAT BECAUSE HE’D FUCKED UP ONCE HE’D NEVER MAKE IT TO THIS POINT #AND NOW HE GOT THE A AND WON THE CUP IN HIS FIRST!!!!!YEAR!!!!!!! #SIDNEY CROSBY WHO???? BAD BOB WHAT???? KENT PARSON WHOMST????

**1,019 notes**

 

 

**schoooners:**

well. we'll get 'em next year boys

#fucking zimmermann #he can't be human he's gotta be some sort of hockey robot 

**31 notes**

 

 

**tatertotsandjocks:**

THE FIRST PERSON JACK PASSED THE CUP TO WAS TATER AND HE HELPED HIM STAND UP WHILE TATER LIFTED IT IN THE AIR I CNANT FUCKIGN GGDSHFJSDF THESE FUCKING BOYS LOVE EAHC OTHER SO MUHUHUHCUHCHCHH

_[Image of a man crying in the dark with a caption that says: "I don't know why I'm crying in the club right now"]_

#POTATOMANN #I KNEW WE D GET A POTATOMANN MOMENT DREAMS DO COME TRUE 

 

 

**zimmszimms:**

did yall just. see what just

**zimmszimms:**

WHAT

**zimmszimms:**

SOMEONE ELSE CONFIRM IF IM HALLUCINATING RN

**hckeymania:**

ITS FUCKING REAL DUDE TWITTER IS EXPLODING

#HOLY FUCKIGN SHHFIDUFIDSF 

**314 notes**

* * *

**Daily Mail – Jack Zimmermann kisses mystery man after winning first Stanley Cup**

**The Guardian – In a notoriously homophobic sport, Zimmermann’s coming out could signal a change for the better.**

**Buzzfeed – Hockey Prince Jack Zimmermann and His Boyfriend Just Broke the Internet**

jack zimmermann

jack zimmermann **gay**

jack zimmermann  **stats**

jack zimmermann **hockey**

jack zimmermann **father**

jack zimmermann **falconers**

 

 **James**  @piesnthangs  
UMMMMM @OMGCHECKPLEASE SO I GUESS WE KNOW WHO YOUR SECRET BF IS NOW HUH

 **tatiana** @rhubadubarb   
WE. NEED. DEETS.  WE TALKING HOUR LONG VLOG, WITH PICS N INTERVIEWS WITH JACKIE BOY HIMSELF @OMGCHECKPLEASE THANKS

 **Carol (2015)** @carolinansweets  
Y'all, we shoulda known, There were so many hints... Rich bf who constantly travels, but is still close enough to visit, learning French, the visit to GA... @omgcheckplease 

 **lawrence!**  @wheninajam  
Did Eric really just cheat on his bf with Jack Zimmermann on live TV? Holy shit 

 **lawrence!**  @wheninajam  
@wheninajam ....WAIT HOLD THE FUCK UP 

 **José Palos**  @ranchinmybagswag  
@wheninajam oh, honey 

 **Ryland Bell** @ryrythebi  
I want @omgcheckplease's life: successful blog/twitter, amazing baking skills, captain of his team, and a hot hockey boyfriend he can now show off. #lifegoals

 **Jessica R** @jrodrig83  
I feel like a mom for saying this but Jack Zimmermann better treat @omgcheckplease RIGHT! I've been following this boy for years; he's pretty much my son!! #CongratsZimmboni

 

**Suzanne Bittle**

**Timeline |** About | Friends | Photos | More 

 **Mason Parker > Suzanne Bittle **  
_June 14 at 10:45pm  
_ Is that little Dicky on the TV?  

 **Judy Phelps > Suzanne Bittle **  
_June 14 at 10:29pm_  
Are you watching ESPN right now??! Pick up your phone  

 **Susan Bittle** shared The Providence Falconers' post.   
_June 14 at 10:22pm_  
Go Falconers!!!! :-) 

* * *

**cellyonice:**

how many of you demons are already stalking the boy that zimmermann just kissed on ice like 7 minutes ago

**rainbowtape:**

_[Gifs of Beyoncé carrying a laptop and then sitting down with it.]_

#his name’s eric bittle and he goes to samwell and he's openly gay AND he plays hockey too #real life out and proud hockey boyfriends…thanks @god #potatomann and jarse shippers are QUAKING

**165 notes**

 

 

**jackzimmermannisastanleycupchampion:**

My Potatomann fics... rest in pieces

#I'm happy for Zimmboni though #He looks so happy with Eric and it must have taken so much courage to come out like that #...and at least Jarse is dead too 

**17 notes**

 

 

**bittlemann:**

ok i know this is not the time or place for this, which is why I'm putting this underneath a read more anyway because I HAVE TO:

I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!!!! 

HOW MANY POTATOMANN SHIPPERS TOLD ME I WAS STUPID FOR PUTTING IT TOGETHER THAT FORMER TEAMMATE ERIC BITTLE GETS A RICH BOYFRIEND RIGHT AS JACK ZIMMERMANN JOINS THE NHL?

HOW MANY POTATOMANN SHIPPERS TOLD ME THAT ERIC COULDN'T POSSIBLY BE RECORDING HIS VLOGS IN JACK'S EXPENSIVE ASS CONDO EVEN THOUGH THERE WAS LITERALLY A PHOTO OF THE SAMWELL BRIDGE (REMINDER: JACK LOVES PHOTOGRAPHY? OR DID Y'ALL OVERLOOK THAT TOO?) AND A FRAMED SAMWELL MEN'S HOCKEY JERSEY IN THE BACKGROUND? 

WHAT ABOUT THE FACES ERIC WOULD MAKE EVERY TIME HE MENTIONED JACK OR THE FALCS? OR THE SUDDEN TEAM OBSESSION WITH PIES AND JAM, ERIC'S SPECIALTIES? OR TATER LITERALLY SAYING THAT JACK'S "GIRLFRIEND" WAS SUCH A GOOD COOK ON THAT ONE FALCSTV? THE CELLIES BACK WHEN JACK WENT TO SAMWELL WHERE HE'D HUG ERIC OR TWIRL HIM IN THE AIR?? 

_[Gif of Captain Holt from Brooklyn Nine-Nine triumphantly saying "VINDICATION!"]_

#A RANT #BITTLEMANN #ANTI-POTATOMANN #all my essays examining EVERY FRAME of eric's vlogs #not to mention his TWEETS #v i n d i c a t e d

**116 notes**

 

 

**potatomanncentral:**

Potatomann Is Not "Dead", And Here's Why - 

1) The FIGHT the game after Alexei got injured and the ANGER on Jack's face... Not to mention one source said they spotted Alexei entering Jack's apartment and didn't see him leave. (????!!!!!)

2) There is so much evidence - the SMILES, THE ICONIC FALCSTV EP, the NICKNAME (even his boyfriend just calls him Jack! and apparently they played together!), their common backgrounds and anxieties... There's no denying any of that!

3) Even if Alexei and Jack are not together romantically (at least for now), we know that Alexei LOVES AND SUPPORTS JACK FOR WHO HE IS AND IS HIS CLOSEST FRIEND... which is way more than other shippers can say (cough cough J*rse)

#DONT.LOSE.HOPE. #potatomann #alexei mashkov #jack zimmermann #alexei x jack #jack x alexei #tater #zimmboni 

**589 notes**

 

 

**parseitout:**

eric bittle: 

  * small 
  * blonde
  * played on jack's line
  * captain of his team
  * loves pop music 



kent parson: 

  * small
  * blonde
  * played on jack's line
  * captain of his team
  * loves pop music 



  _[Gif of Oprah shrugging]_

#i rest my case your honor #jarse #kent parson #jack zimmermann #jeric #bittlemann #?? whatever we're calling it 

**272 notes**

 

 

**foreverjarse:**

SO WHY HAS NO ONE MENTIONED THIS 

_[Photo of Bitty and Kent at EpiKegster during Bitty's sophomore year.]_

ERIC WAS THERE AT THE FAMOUS JARSE REUNION 

IF JACK AND ERIC WERE DATING BACK THEN, WHY WOULD ERIC TAKE A PIC WITH PARSE?

_[Photo of Kris Jenner saying "This is a case for the FBI"]_

**crozzzby:**

maybe cuz jack and parse never fucking dated 

 **hereigo** **evgeni:**

Maybe they did date but they're all friends now and support each other 

**seguinning:  
**

or maybe they're ALL dating 

**awmatts:**

_[Image of the Expanding Brain meme]_

#hockey #this zimmermann discourse is... a lot

**446 notes**

 

 

**lgbthockey:**

Instead of focusing on stupid shit like ships, can we please focus on the fact that Falcs alternate captain Jack Zimmermann just came out to the entire world by kissing his boyfriend, an openly gay man from the South and the captain of an NCAA men's hockey team, after winning his first (and probably not last) Stanley Cup? He's now the first and (at least as of now) only openly gay/bisexual player in the NHL. So much more pressure is going to be placed on Jack than ever before, even after he proved himself with the Stanley Cup, so it's important that all of his fans and supporters of LGBTQ+ rights in general have his back instead of being divided over who he's dating, who he might have once dated, what team you personally support, etc. This is so much bigger than all of that; current and future generations of LGBT athletes are now looking to Jack Zimmermann as a model and there are obviously people in the media and in the NHL who are looking for any way to ruin his career. And that goes for his boyfriend as well. We need to support all LGBTQ players: players who want to come out but aren't as "safe" (Stanley Cup, alternate captain, huge salary) as Jack Zimmermann is, players who can't and don't want to come out for career or privacy reasons, players who are planning to come out once their career is over, players planning on coming out now, _all of them,_ without judgment. 

#jack zimmermann #hockey stuff #LGBTQ 

**2,479 notes**

 

 

**kentparsonnews:**

_[From Instagram: Kent Parson poses for a photograph with a blonde woman in a dimly lit bar. Caption: “Watched the last game in the Stanley Cup final with the King of Spades, @kentparson90 himself! #lifemade #aces”]_

**parsergal:**

GUYS, LOOK AT THE SCREENS, THIS WAS AFTER ~THE KISS~

**zimmer--parse:**

i dare you to look at his face and then tell me TO MY FACE that this ship is dead. no fucking way

#inb4 some potatomann shipper calls us all delusional #mashkov was literally partying and hugging bittle and jack after the kiss like a good friend meanwhile kent looks devastated #catch me at that ‘potatomann is over’ party

 **2,246 notes**  

* * *

**TMZ – Rumors or Reality? Kent Parson Responds “No Comment” Outside Bar After Jack Zimmermann Comes Out**

**The Data Lounge – Dirty Zimmermann/Parson fanfiction that might actually have been true**

 

kent parson

kent parson **jack zimmermann**

kent parson **girlfriend**

kent parson **hockey**

kent parson **cat**

kent parson **stats**

* * *

**#1 potato fan** @zimmertots1  
to the anon who just sent me an ask saying potatomann is dead: fuck off 

 **Dan the man** @dandandanndannn  
@drewskie6629 lol did u see the boy who turned zimmermann gay? look up eric bittle lol hes a total fag 

 **drew** @drewskie6629  
@dandandanndannn how gay is samwell's hockey team if HE'S their captain lmao

 **Ari Newsom** @arinewsies  
Judging by @omgcheckplease's follower count, I'm glad that I'm not the only one obsessively going through his entire Twitter feed for hints about him and Jack... #CongratsZimmboni #LoveWins

 **GO FALCS** @zimmerfannatic  
True Potatomann shippers know that Jack is just pretending to date Eric because Tater can't come out because of the whole Russia thing and because their teammates #Potatomann

 **Cole White** @white1cole  
Of course Zimmermann would steal the spotlight from the rest of his teammates... What a fucking dick. Always knew there was something up with him. #FireZimmermann

 **kent parson tweeted me 3/17/16** @parserchick  
i wish ppl wuld just leave kent alone it sucks that he cant escape the zimmerman rumors 

 **Angel Washington** @angelicaaaa98  
Sooooo. I hope this means that fuckyeahzimmermann will stop receiving daily asks about him and Mashkov secretly dating. #CongratsZimmboni

 **Spencer Lee** @spence2024  
Jack Zimmermann's behavior was UNACCEPTABLE, especially during the STANLEY CUP FINAL. NHL needs to stand up against the SJW and PC invasion! #MAGA 

* * *

**wishing-wellie:**

I received a few messages from some anons asking me for my perspective on the Jack Zimmermann news because I went to Samwell with him. Since most of my followers don’t really care about hockey (and believe me, I’m not the biggest hockey fan either…try studying when the Samwell men’s hockey team is in the library), I’ll leave my thoughts under a read more:

First of all, the extent of my Jack Zimmermann knowledge comes from reading some of his Wikipedia and from gossip around school (I genuinely hope news articles are not looking to the Swallow for information on Jack Zimmermann's boyfriend or the hockey team because that garbage _hardly_ counts as a reputable source). But I did share one class with him – and with the guy he kissed – during his last year at Samwell. I’m sure the guy’s name has been published by now, but I personally don’t feel comfortable sharing his name until the Falconers or Zimmermann's family release a statement and confirm it themselves. But I do want to say that whenever I talked with him in class or in review sessions or at Queer Student Union mixers (he makes THE BEST desserts, by the way), he was so sweet and genuine. And yes, he really is that short compared to Zimmermann! He’s easily the smallest member of the men’s hockey team.

But back to Zimmermann. I definitely did not know that he and Jack Zimmermann were dating, but in hindsight, they did always sit together in class, they worked together on projects, and sometimes I would see them out on River Quad without their teammates. But, at least to my knowledge, I don’t think many people even suspected that they were dating before the Stanley Cup final. The men’s hockey team is very close-knit (again, try eating a meal in peace at the dining hall or at Jerry’s when the men’s hockey team is there…) so seeing Jack Zimmermann and one of his teammates constantly together was not very unusual.

TL;DR: I had no clue about Jack Zimmermann’s sexuality or his boyfriend, but they were obviously very close at Samwell when Jack was there. He and his boyfriend are genuinely nice (though, to be fair, I only talked to Zimmermann once or twice in class – he seems like more of a quiet guy) and I just hope that they’re both allowed some privacy and freedom from stupid rumors at this time.

#personal #samwell adventures

**34 notes**

* * *

**Archive of Our Own**

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Category: M/M

Fandom: Hockey RPF

Relationship: Jack Zimmermann/Eric Bittle, implied past Jack Zimmermann/Kent Parson

Characters: Jack Zimmermann, Eric Bittle, Sebastien St. Martin, Randall Robinson, Alexei Mashkov, James Fitzgerald, ALL THE FALCS BASICALLY, Kent Parson (mentioned)

Additional Tags: Coming Out, Fluff, Supportive Teammates Are Supportive

Stats: Published: 2016-06-14   Updated: 2016-06-14   Words: 987   Chapters: 1/1   Comments: 21   Kudos: 73   Bookmarks: 18   Hits: 1473

 **Flashing Lights, Flashing Lights**  
orange_soda

Summary: I STARTED WRITING THIS AS SOON AS I WITNESSED THE MOST BLESSED MOMENT IN HOCKEY HISTORY, ITS LITERALLY NOTHING MORE THAN FLUFF AND ME SCREAMING INTERNALLY, ENJOY

 

 

Rating: Explicit

Category: M/M 

Fandom: Hockey RPF 

Relationship: Jack Zimmermann/Eric Bittle

Characters: Jack Zimmermann, Eric Bittle 

Additional Tags: Semi-Public Sex, DONT JUDGE ME

Stats: Published: 2016-06-06   Updated: 2016-06-06   Words: 1195   Chapters: 1/1   Comments: 11   Kudos: 56   Bookmarks: 10   Hits: 935

 **all eyes on us**  
viensavecmoi

Summary:   
After the high of winning and kissing on ice wears down, Jack and Eric celebrate in their own way. 

 

 

Rating: Explicit

Category: M/M 

Fandom: Hockey RPF 

Relationship: Jack Zimmermann/Eric Bittle/Alexei Mashkov, Jack Zimmermann/Alexei Mashkov, Alexei Mashkov/Eric Bittle, Jack Zimmermann/Eric Bittle 

Characters: Jack Zimmermann, Eric Bittle, Alexei Mashkov, Randall Robinson, Sebastien St. Martin

Additional Tags: Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Size Difference, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Porn with Plot

Stats: Published: 2016-06-06   Updated: 2016-06-06   Words: 1401   Chapters: 1/?   Comments: 10   Kudos: 51   Bookmarks: 9   Hits: 722

 

 **Coherence**  
staticshock

Summary:   
Alexei moves in with Jack and Eric to recover from his injury, but mostly to eat as many pies as humanly possible. Things escalate very quickly, and in ways none of them expected. 

* * *

**Star Magazine – Who is Eric Bittle? Inside the Boy who Stole Jack Zimmermann’s Heart!**

Talk about a game to remember! Falconers alternate captain **Jack Zimmermann** , 25, shocked the world when he kissed a mystery man on live television after his first Stanley Cup win. Internet sleuths and sources close to Zimmermann have revealed Zimmermann's beau to be **Eric Bittle** , 21, a senior at Zimmermann's alma mater Samwell University. Here's just some of the details we have learned about the lesser-known half of the couple currently taking the sports world by storm! 

  1. His hockey nickname is Bitty, and he sure is! At 5'6.5", he's nearly 7 inches shorter than his boyfriend. But don't call him tiny; he's perfectly average-sized, thank you! 
  2. Surprisingly, Zimmermann's not the only hockey player in this relationship - he and Bittle actually met through the Samwell men's hockey team, where they played on the same line!
  3. Bittle's not only the shortest member of the men's hockey team - like Zimmermann, he's also the captain. 
  4. Unlike his boyfriend, Bittle is an avid user of social media: His personal vlog focuses on his baking prowess while his Twitter (@omgcheckplease) follows the wacky adventures of his hockey teammates and his romance with his previously-secret boyfriend. 
  5. Zimmermann loves a boy who can bake! Bittle's pies and other desserts are famous across Samwell and have won him awards in his home state of Georgia. Interested readers can check out his vlog on Youtube for helpful baking tips and tricks in the hopes of snagging their own professional hockey-playing boyfriend!   
  
_[Image of Ransom (who has been cropped out) holding a pie Bitty made.]_
  6. Zimmermann might just have some competition: Bittle is 'Crazy in Love' with Queen **Beyoncé**!   
  
_[Tweet: Why do I have class on a national holiday. #HappyBirthdayBeyonce]_
  7. He's a 'puck bunny' through-and-through, and even has the costume to show it! Bittle's Twitter is full of tweets cheering on his man and his team. We can't wait to see what is next for the happy couple now that they are out to the world!   
  
_[Image of Bitty, in a bunny costume, being held by Holster, alongside Ransom and Lardo at the Haus Halloween party.]_



 

**Buzzfeed – 11 Tweets from Eric Bittle That Prove He and Jack Zimmermann Are Relationship Goals AF**

  1. That Time Jack Zimmermann Bought His Beyoncé-Loving Boyfriend the Entire Ivy Park Collection.  
   


_[Tweet: "Hey.” “I know you’re at work, but.” “Haha. Did you get your gift?” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”]_

  2. That Time Jack Zimmermann Insisted He Spoil His Boyfriend for His Birthday.  
  


_[Tweet: “Lunch at that place we like, but DON’T buy me a present.” “Lunch. One present.” “NO lunch, ONE present!” “Lunch, present, flowers??”]_

  3. That Time Jack Zimmermann Sent His Boyfriend Hundreds of Flowers for Valentine’s Day Just Because.  
  


_[Tweet 1: Nursey’s trying to chirp me about all these flowers. A good chunk of the bouquets are missing since some of these hockey boys needed help.  
Tweet 2: @omgcheckplease (Not like I had ENOUGH VASES IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!)]_

  4. That Time Eric Bittle Returned the Favor and Surprised His Boyfriend, Too.   
  


_[Tweet: Surprising your BF like. (explosion emoji) (heart emoji)]_

  5. That Time Eric Bittle Laid Down Some Beyoncé Knowledge for His Woefully-Uneducated Boyfriend.  
  
_[Tweet: Y’all know I set the person I’m dating *straight* on all matters Beyoncé. Good God, that was Week One.]_
  6. That Time Eric Bittle Blessed His Boyfriend with Selfies During a Roadie.  
  
_[Tweet: How many selfies is too many selfies to send to your bf four states away. Consider: I look very cute in them.]  
_
  7. That Time Jack Zimmermann Really, _Really_ Wanted to Spoil His Boyfriend for their First Valentine’s Day Together. (Sensing a theme here?)  
  
  
_[Tweet 1 – “Dinner, but no gifts.” “Hmm, dinner and one gift.” “I make dinner, one gift.” “I take us to dinner and get you flowers?”_  
_Tweet 2 – “You’re right. If we go over the top now it’ll just be harder to top next year.” <3 (I’m officially gross and oversharing.)]_
  8. That Time Jack Zimmermann Assured His Boyfriend that His Teammates Would Obviously Adore Him.   
  
  
_[Tweet 1: I’m usually never nervous about meeting new people but meeting your partner’s coworkers can be a lot._  
_Tweet 2: on the phone “I gotta remember—they don’t need to like me. They just have to not *hate* me.” “everyone likes you.” “shush”]_
  9. That Time Jack Zimmermann Chirped His Boyfriend for Not Remembering Any of the French He ‘Learned’.  
  
  
_[Tweet 1 - =SMH Group Text=_  
_Nursey: Yo, Bitty do you remember any French?_  
_Jack: no._  
  
_Tweet 2 – Me: I can speak for myself, Mr. Zimmermann._  
_Jack: Well._  
_Jack: Not in French._  
_Shitty: HAH.]_
  10. That Time Jack Zimmermann Traveled to His Boyfriend’s Hometown for 4th of July and Met His (Fingers Crossed!) Future In-Laws.   
  
  
_[Tweet, above photo of Jack and Bitty’s mom: Just in time for the festivities. :)]  
_
  11. That Time Eric Bittle and Jack Zimmermann Came Out to their Teammates and Received Love, Acceptance, and Tons of Chirps.   
  
  
_[Tweet: When you tell your teammates about your SO because you trust and love them. And they respond with an endless torrent of chirps. #SMH]_



 

 **The** **Swallow - Samwell Tells All: Inside the Zimmermann-Bittle Romance**

Well, folks, it happened: former Samwell men's hockey captain, three-time member of Samwell's exclusive 50 Most Beautiful club, and current alternate captain of the Providence Falconers Jack Zimmermann came out of the closet after winning the Stanley Cup, on live international television, by kissing former teammate and current Wellie senior Eric Bittle. 

Jack has lived a troubled life (if you ignore his millionaire household, frankly astonishing hockey career, and attractive _everything_ ): once projected to be a top NHL draft pick, Jack was rumored to have OD'd on coke, forcing him to leave the draft and enroll in Samwell three years later. The man who should have been the poster child for the NHL when he was 18 has made what many are calling an overwhelmingly successful comeback to the world of professional hockey, but even before his dramatic coming-out on ice, the dark cloud of Jack's sexual preferences continued to haunt him. 

Jack had previously been plagued by rumors questioning the nature of his relationship with former Quebec Major Junior Hockey League teammate Kent Parson, now the captain of the Las Vegas Aces. During his time at Samwell, Jack successfully quelled many of these rumors by dating multiple women, including captain of the women's tennis team Camilla Collins. (We at the Swallow would also like to note a bit of a pattern Mr. Zimmermann seems to have in pursuing short and blonde athletes - and we're not judging whatsoever!) 

Eric, unlike Jack, has never been shy about his sexuality, based on his passion (some sources across the street from the hockey team would even say  _obsession_ ) for baking, his love for Beyoncé and short-shorts that border on obscene (even those of the puck bunny variety - see some of our photos and stories from last year's infamous Halloween kegster on page 11 for more info!), and his prior figure skating hobby before switching to hockey in high school. If you look up 'twink' in the dictionary, you'll probably find a photo of Eric Bittle. 

Did Eric pressure Jack into coming out, or did Jack feel safe in revealing his sexuality after his first Stanley Cup win and his earlier promotion to alternate captain? Is Eric using Jack for his fame and wealth? Is Jack with Eric because he reminds him so much of his unattainable former teammate/possible former lover Kent? Hell if we know, but we can try and guess! We've collected some notable tidbits of gossip from both before and after the Stanley Cup smooch of the century that may shed some light on Jack and Eric's relationship: 

  * Love at first sight? Not exactly. A look back at Eric's earlier vlogs from his freshman year reveal that that our happy couple actually loathed one another. Sources from the men's hockey team described Jack even screaming at Eric to get his act together or quit the team.  
  
Former teammate (and another one of Samwell's 50 Most Beautiful!) John Johnson, who graduated from Samwell during Eric's freshman year and Jack's junior year, had this to say when we reached out to him: "The entire concept of this fictional article within a fictional school's fictional publication, and all of this within a fictional story separate from the overall fictional narrative, still fundamentally disturbs me. But yeah, Jack was kind of a dick back then to Bitty lol." Note that 'Bitty' is Eric's hockey nickname and that we generally have no idea what Johnson says more than half of the time. 
  * A mutual dislike grew into friendship (or a romance?) as Eric's freshman year and Jack's junior year progressed. According to Eric's former frosh roommates, Jack would wake Eric up as early as four in the morning for skating practice. Early in the morning, very few - if any - people are in Faber. Could Jack and Eric have taken advantage of this time alone to play, ahem, with their _other_ hockey sticks? According to John Johnson: "Jack would just slam Bitty against the glass a bunch of times." 
  * Eric and Jack reportedly grew even closer the next year when Eric moved into the Haus as they were repeatedly spotted having lunch and studying together. But their romantic lives appeared to all sources to be completely separate. Eric briefly dated rugby player and English foreign exchange student Tom Daniel, while Jack dated Camilla Collins and Samantha Miller (not to mention his numerous rumored Zimmermann puck bunnies) and has long been rumored to have at least hooked up with his fellow teammate and constantly naked best friend Shitty (yes, we don't know his first name either) Knight.  
  
But both Eric and Jack did not appear seriously committed to any of these relationships. Sources close to Camilla and Samantha both described Jack as being way too focused on hockey rather than the girl he was supposed to be dating.  
  
Could Jack's preoccupation with hockey signal trouble in Eric and Jack's relationship as Jack's fame grows? And we haven't even mentioned the big pink elephant in the room: the huge power and experience differential between Jack and Eric. Not only is Jack five years older than his boyfriend, he's also a rich NHL player from an uber rich family who has dated and hooked up with multiple women women (and men), while Eric's a small, innocent (at least in appearance; for all we know, that one rumor about him being the team bicycle could be true, though we highly doubt it), relatively inexperienced, unemployed college student. 
  * One source close to Eric had this to say: "Jack's using him, but Eric doesn't see it at all...especially because he gets more than enough in return!" Jack signed an enormous contract with the Falconers, and he appears to use a huge chunk of it on his boy toy! On Valentine's Day 2016, girlfriends of Wellie hockey players received tons of flowers, reportedly because Jack had surprised his boyfriend with over a dozen bouquets of roses and Eric had more than enough flowers to spare his unromantic teammates the trouble of buying Valentine's gifts. According to Eric's Twitter, Jack even bought Eric the entire Ivy Park collection of activewear by Beyoncé for his birthday, which is no small sum. And Eric had been seen at multiple Falcs playoff games near or in the front row, presumably because of tickets provided by his star player boyfriend.  
  
We don't _want_ to suggest that Jack is Eric's sugar daddy...but that's totally what we're suggesting. And honestly, if your boy was the rising star of the NHL, wouldn't _you_ take advantage of his wealth and influence? Let's not forget that Eric is an aspiring vlogger and Internet personality - it only makes sense that he would try and become the Chrissy Teigen of the sports world. 
  * Finally, what would a convo about Zimmermann be without bringing up the infamous Epikegster 2014 incident with Kent Parson? Rumors swirled about why Parse decided to visit, especially since his prior voyage to Samwell after his Stanley Cup and Calder win had apparently ended on an extremely negative note. Some suggested that Parse had arrived to try and persuade Jack to join the Aces and bring back the iconic Zimmermann-Parson duo from their teenage glory. Others thought Parse and Jack had hooked up or gotten back together for real.  
  
But now, with the knowledge of Jack and Eric's relationship, even more theories have emerged regarding what really happened that night in the Haus:   
  
1) Jack and Parse hooked up, but Eric (whether or not he was dating Jack at the time, since we don't have the exact knowledge of when he and Jack got together) didn't know and the hook-up didn't last. Jack was the first to leave the party after Parse arrived; after taking tons of photos and notably getting his ass destroyed by Larissa Duan in beer pong, Parse also disappeared upstairs and was later seen leaving in a rush. Maybe he was upset because Jack kicked him out mid-hook up?   
  
2) Eric and Parse hooked up, but Jack had (has?) no idea. Eric posted a picture of himself with Parse at Epikegster 2014 and looked thrilled to be meeting the best hockey player of our generation. And Jack and Parse weren't the only ones to ghost from the party; Eric headed upstairs early as well according to one source who was at the kegster. Was Eric one of Parse's puck bunnies, at least for that night?   
  
3) This rumor is our personal favorite, and seems the most likely to us: Jack, angry at Parse for not only showing up unannounced but also stealing what he saw as his rightful place in NHL royalty, hooked up with Eric after fighting with Parse and kicking him out. Apparently, Jack and Eric lived right across the hall from one another in the Haus. Jack could have easily used Eric to work out his jealousy, anger, and perhaps lingering want for Parse the good old-fashioned way. This theory also explains why Jack and Eric didn't return to the party, while Kent left soon after going upstairs. Maybe an actual relationship formed from this one-night stand and the happy couple has Kent Parson to thank!   
  
4) And here's another theory we just think is fun: a Parse/Jack/Eric threesome. It's unlikely that there would have been the time for such a thing, but it sure as hell is nice to think about if you are of the man-loving persuasion. 



Regardless of whether any of the information we have written in this issue is true, we at  _The Swallow_ congratulate Jack for stepping up and coming out and confirming at least some of our Zimmermann gossip. Our common humanity tells us to wish Jack and Eric luck in their relationship, but let's face it, we all know that we live for the drama and hope that this Wellie couple will provide tons of it. 

* * *

**aaron** @penituspotes  
lol who else just saw a group of former and current men's hockey players toss stacks of today's Zimmermann issue of the Swallow into the dumpster #JustAnotherDayinSamwell 

 **Tiffany Nguyen** @tifftiffnguyen  
@penituspotes Is that what they're doing?? The big blonde one literally snatched a copy out of my hands before I could even read it. Another thing to add to the #whywehatethemenshockeyteam list (and he doesn't even GO here anymore??). 

 **Silvi Lee** @silvisupercharge  
@tifftiffnguyen @penituspotes HAHA Chow took my copy too but he at least said sorry before running off

 **Gloria (Ugandan flag emoji)** @gloakampurira  
@silvisupercharge @tifftiffnguyen Don't worry, you guys didn't miss much. The Swallow's garbage as usual, esp. b/c the issue was full of homophobic bs. And we're supposed to be a liberal school! Yikes...

 **Justin Oluransi** @justoluransi  
#gotyourback @omgcheckplease

**Author's Note:**

> First of all: I was inspired by ilgaksu's "house on fire" for the idea and formatting of a social media fic and I highly recommend this fic if you like Voltron. I also wanted to give credit to applecrumbledore, whose amazing fic "deets" contains an article by The Swallow and the boys trying to steal as many copies as possible. Credit also goes to those who have already written in-universe RPF fandom fics/headcanons, namely garden-of-succulents, abominableobriens, and wetwellies ([who wrote a GREAT post about potatomann shippers reacting to the kiss](http://wetwellie.tumblr.com/post/169026890261/somewhere-on-a-discord-incomic-potatofann-were)) on Tumblr. 
> 
> Third: Some details I wanted to expand on - 
> 
> I'm no hockey expert, but I looked up some videos of past Cup wins and it looks like there's a good 20ish minutes between the winning shot and friends/family being allowed on ice (it's hilarious to me that they have like EVERY SINGLE PLAYER skate around with the Cup lol), so it was fun writing some reactions in that small time span before Jack and Bitty shocked the world. I purposely skipped over the awarding of the Conn Smythe Trophy because I'm afraid of getting Jossed if it turns out Jack did not receive it...though I'm guessing he did. The main conflicts in the Zimmermann RPF fandom are between Potatomann (the dominant ship), Jarse (the ship that was revived when Kent crashed Epikegster and even further when the Falcs played the Aces), and Bittlemann/Jeric shippers (a minority before the Cup), though most fans are non-shippers. I really wanted Shitty, Lardo, Ransom, Holster, and Chowder to protect Jack and Bitty from rumors, so I had Chowder stay in Samwell for summer classes and call up his former teammates (still recovering from the celebration party at Jack's) to do damage control. And Bitty once tweeted that Ransom follows his Twitter, so I made up a twitter account for him. 
> 
> Final things: Emojis are described in parentheses because they can't be used on AO3 without messing up the code, so I hope it's not too awkward! I hope the formatting made sense and was not too confusing. If it is, please tell me how I can improve so the fic is easier to read! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


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